My ten year high school reunion is coming up this summer. There is no way in Hell that I would go to that, but it does make me think about how far I have actually come since those days. If I could talk to 17 year old me, if she could see my life, what would she think? Honestly, I think she would be amazed that I have come so far. I am happy with the decisions that have gotten me to where I am and I am proud of my life. That is a good feeling.
It is so strange to see how your own life can be blocked off in stages. I was a happy kid who went to the beach and played with Barbie’s and had no idea that anything worse could happen to me than my parents getting divorced. Then I was a miserable, sick teenager who needed desperately to get away from her life. Then I was in college, and getting part time jobs and trying to become an adult. Then I met the man of my dreams, and thank goodness, he met the girl of his dreams in me. Looking back, it is almost like there is no overlap between each neatly wrapped up portion of my life. It makes me feel crazy to think that this could be yet another piece in the puzzle, rather than a place that I get to stay forever. But I am so happy here!
So where do I see myself ten years from now? That is a scary question. Hopefully my husband and I will have our own house. I would like to have learned French and seen Paris by then. I really, really hope that I am a mother. Most of all, I just hope I am even just half as happy and contented with my messy, imperfect life as I am right now.
I think it would make that 17 year old happy to know that this place exists somewhere in time waiting for her. I bet it would make 38 year old me happy to remember that a time that felt this right ever existed at all. I hope. I hope. I hope.
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